Stumble time and time again

Why is it that we stumble so much when we know we should do better, yet we stumble over and over and over again.

My idol is my late husband. He had the emotional, mental strength of liken to Hercules.

For the most part he didn't let others sway his energy. He was true to himself. He laughed a lot. He saw through the pain and would still embrace you and comfort you. He was a force, an amazing beautiful force and he left me his seed. Why did you think I was strong enough to raise her on my own? You said I was a miracle in your life. That was the best compliment a person could give anyone. You were a miracle to exist on our planet Earth and for all that got to be touched by your presence.

Of course like couples we argued a lot but he was the most forgiving person I know and he would always say its not the person its the energy trying to use me to get to him or the other person.

He knew how to mostly operate from his higher self. He didn't fall into the many traps of the lower self like many of us do. He focused on God. Even if I was wrong he took the blame and said Forgive me Sweetie. His forgiveness humbled me each time. He only got stronger in his patience with me and others.

Losing him has made me lose my way and I am trying to find the way again and its difficult! I don't have him to pray with me daily like we did. I don't have him to laugh at me and calm me down when I get upset. He knew how to lovingly get me refocused. Now everything he taught me I have to learn it on my own and it is so difficult. I have to be that to myself!! Yet he is my compass and I want to do good for you Willie and especially Willow. So I pray for Grace, God's Grace to help me especially where I am weak. I keep messing up over and over again and when I mess up, I realize even more so what a Saint and strong person you were. You live in the hearts of so many people.

I thought you were going to teach us about immortality and I thought in a physical sense but now I am understanding that you are immortal. I miss you so much. You weren't just a true friend and husband, you were my spiritual guru that brought me closer to God and I still want to be closer to God.

I wish you could raise your daughter. I wish I knew how you would raise her. I don't know why it took DEATH for me to understand all that you were teaching me. And even with your passing I can't seem to pass the many spiritual tests that you made look so simple! You wanted to teach me about unconditional love, having no expectations from others but expect from God instead, forgiveness was a key for you. You said this time around you were here to embrace the enemy and you were able to heal so many individuals with your spiritual understanding compassion and embrace.

How did you do it?? I get in debates with the enemy when I should know better? How did you do it Willie?? How did you win the hearts of so many? How did you not fall into the traps of egoism, fear, anger, etc?? I keep falling into the traps. You were a mighty strong Human, honestly I don't even think you were human. You were so intentional with all your moves that I can still seem them vividly, even eyes open or closed. You embraced EVERYONE with so much LOVE.

Where ever you are you see what we are going through and I need some support and strong Angels!

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