In my cloud of grief unknowingly I required more selfishness for healing. I am not at any way labeling this selfishness as bad. As I reflect back I understand the reason for the selfishness.
Grief requires selfishness to heal. I needed this space to to regain TRUST. In my grief I did not have the strength to be as strong for others as I had been in the past.
Grief wanted friends that were grieving as well so in unity they found strength. Grief misses many opportunities. Grief needs what it needs and every grief comes in with its own timeline. Grief has trigger points. Life can be good and all of a sudden your grief is re-triggered, awoken again!
Loss of love through a curveball that turned my life upside down. As I begin to spin back to my feet. I am taking baby steps of what it feels like to be back on my feet again. Lost in my mental and emotional state of Grief I was and am less attuned to the needs of others. My Grief was crying out louder and staking its rite as if it had greater right than any other. Grief doesn't know how to move without reassurance. Grief wallows in the past. Grief clings to a safety net. Grief needs what it needs in order to heal. Grief needs to feel safe. Grief is searching for its Faith again. In my Grief, I require more attention from my loved ones. Most understand this selfishness and have compassion. I hold so much appreciation for those with a compassionate heart. They send Grief healing and the healing minimizes the Grief. It reassures the Grief that it recognizes and accepts the grief and through the recognition it slowly begins to fade.
But life brings you across so many individuals and those individuals may have their own grief. Those individuals just like yourself are saying hey I know you are grieving but so have I or so am I! You aren't anything special. This makes the individuals Grief only bigger, enlarges the Grief. Neither Grief is being acknowledged. Both hearts are numb. This is why many lose site of their beloved relationships, especially after a loss of a child. I witnessed this in my own relationship. It takes much strength and Faith to keep things together for one's ownself and then to add another person to your grief and keep it together for the two. I was blessed because my husband was Strong in his Faith. Without his strength the loss of the child would have been much more difficult and I would have lost myself and I had the potential of losing others. Even though I was grieving I recognized the Faith and through this recognition I was able to pull through.
In my last loss and my trigger points I hit many bottoms and each time I went to a place within. Each time I could blame no one outside of me. I was Grieving but I had enough strength to still go within to heal.