Hold on tight! If you have gone through loss of any kind you know its a rollercoaster of emotions. When does one come off the Grief Rollercoaster? There is no one consistent magic answer. For me it has felt like the longest rollercoaster ride I have been on. I have my ups and my downs and then down goes really far down and I struggle to come back up. Yet the most important trek is the venture back up. Unknown to my conscious mind that my grief had trigger points. Those surprising moments I often did not know how to react. I went down fast, arms flew up, had no control and I felt like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs.
Unfortunately the coming back up is not as fast as the actual rollercoaster ride, if only it were that easy. This rollercoaster has been more about enduring the down ride. I had to learn to ride back up faster and learn not to fall down so low. I would watch myself as an outsider and wondered what others must be thinking. I reminded myself they can not understand, they haven't walked in my shoes. If I was struggling to understand what I was going through how could anyone else understand. I would not have understood the capacity and depth I understand now without the experience. I go up and down, up and down and the cycle just continued. I am learning how to shift energy, I meditate, visualize, reflect, contemplate. I work out, I run, I bike, I want to get back to swimming. I look at my nutrition and what I can provide my physical body so it can continue to feel whole again. I have had many conversations about my feelings, repeating my story over and over to myself and others. I was processing all the time but unconsciously processing therefore the rollercoaster continued.
Finally, I took my magnifying glass out and decided to become a sleuth on this rollercoaster that has been running my life. As I work on my consciousness and look within more and allow my Grief space to process and do its work the Rollercoaster ride becomes less intense. I continue the deep healing work on myself and in so many areas of my life. The grief has brought me to look at my life as a whole. I am learning to embrace the rollercoaster, to embrace the pain. I have learned the importance of allowing emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness their space. Giving them their space in a healthy way where I do not need to fly down with the emotions. I have appreciation for this rollercoaster because I have learned so much about myself and unraveling my truth about me and how I want to show up in this world.